A harmonious human being is in connection with the body as well as with their soul, relying on their logic as well as their intuition, in touch with their heart and clear in their mind.

In our society it is often perceived that one has to choose between those. Yet, just like the world, that contains all, we ourselves become more and more whole as we accept and integrate those seeming contradictions inside ourselves. This has been and still is my journey. 

Since the early childhood I have experienced lucid dreaming and felt the need to write down my dreams. When I was 6 years old and learning to read, I was immediately immersed in fairy tales, numerology and astrology. Among other things, I came across books on yoga, energy work, Gunnar Aarma and other spiritual teachers. These books confirmed my perception that the world is a much wider place than it may seem and that there are certain invisible laws at work here that are not spoken about in everyday life.

At the same time, my rational and logical abilities have always served me well. I did well at school – It was easy for me to learn and I loved to create connections between different fields of study. After graduation it was choosing between studying law, psychology or communication management. A lawyer I knew at the time told me that his job was really boring, so I chose communication and added psychology as one of the minors.  

In my last year at university the law also caught up with me – I moved back to hometown Tallinn, to work at the Ministry of Justice. After few years of work, my first identity crisis arrived – I realized what were my core values and how they were conflicted with was was playing out in the larger societal field. I took it upon myself to do some inner digging and find out who I really am and what is essential to me, to go forward from here.  I resigned and went to  Australia.

My first ever vehicle was an enormous John Deere tractor, that I needed to tackle in three days, to start working in a watermelon farm. A year of working and travelling on my own in Australia and half a year in Southeast Asia was like a second university education. I got to know myself, the world and the people in a new way and the world expanded immeasurably. I started my spiritual practices and did the first 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat in Thailand.

Back in Estonia, it wasn’t long before I was invited to join a core team of a civic movement aiming to clean up Estonia (of illegally dumped waste) in one day, where I took charge of all the initiative’s communication. It was an incredibly exciting and challenging time that created resonance all over the world and led to the birth of international Let’s Do It! movement and World Cleanup Day initiative.

In between the Let’s Do It movement activities, I had contributed to the creative economy initiative Creative Estonia, helped launch the Food Bank in Estonia and was running my small sales business in the cruise ship marina. I now felt ready to explore the more complex side of the private sector. Baltika Group was the largest organization in its field in Estonia, employing hundreds of talented and creative people. And so I went and spent two years behind the scenes of the fashion world – seeing the combination of creativity and business, managing communications in a very complex and multi-layered organisation. 

And then it seemed to come full circle – the public sector called me back to play a key role in one of the great challenges facing the Estonian public sector – the Estonian Presidency of the European Union. Three years full of rollercoasters, with Brexit and other issues, led to a successful presidency that won all sorts of awards for its communication. It also led to my personal burnout. I lost my sense of proportion and spent days in the office late into the night. I forgot to eat and could no longer sleep properly. I didn’t see family or friends for months on end. Worrying about details, about issues that were really out of my control. On the last day of my contract, I fell ill and couldn’t get out of bed for 30 days. I had always been sporty, healthy and strong, but now I had really pushed myself to the limit. 

And that’s where my real journey began. I started asking myself the hard questions – why had I run from project to project like this? Why did I feel the need to take on more and more challenges? Why was it so easy for me to forget my most basic needs in the midst of it all? What really motivated me and made me choose this? 

I felt I really had to stop. For the first time in my life, I registered myself as unemployed for a while, slowed down absolutely everything and looked inwards. For the next few years I was constantly working full-time within myself – alongside this, I was doing training and consultancy work for both international and local companies through my company.

In my work with myself, I turned to different tools and approaches to better understand myself and bring to the surface what needed to be acknowledged and healed.

Studying at the Holistic Institute, a year-long shadow work study group, studying and practicing different somatic healing modalities, and working systematically with my inner family and inner child, helped me to finally begin to understand why I had been applying certain patterns at work, in my relationships, and in my life as a whole. I began to understand my own personal filters and what I needed to pay attention to in order to be more in touch with myself and live a more balanced and authentic life, a life that was really mine.

I realized that all my adult life I had been using and trusting primarily my left brain, this so-called rational and logical thinking, while at the same time ignoring and underestimating and constantly questioning my inherently strong intuitive and creative side. I had been operating mainly from the masculine principle and suppressed my feminine, losing true connection with my body and emotions. 

In order to move back to wholeness, I had to find a way to reestablish those connections, to bring my right brain back into the picture too, and get the two sides working in synergy.

A way to connect with my subconscious side and my intuitive sense. In addition to continuing to work with dreams, I decided to include the Tarot cards as a complete archetypal system to help reveal my bigger patterns and directions in life.

I began to study shamanism in more depth with a teacher in the Siberian Tuva tradition, which provided a clearer framework for the sensitive connection with nature that had always been present in me. I decided to spend two long winters in Southern America, first studying Hatha Yoga in Mexico and then living with a Shamanic Shipibo family in Peru. It was a magical and difficult cleansing, not only of what I had absorbed in my life, but also of what had been passed on to me by my ancestors. 

Back in Estonia, I decided to fully give permission to the sides of me that had been suppressed. I did a year of painting at the Estonian Institute of Arts and began to study psychology, immersing myself in the Jungian direction of analytical psychology as well as classical psychology.

My calling is to work with people and for people – to help them re-establish a deeper connection with themselves and better integration with the suppressed and shadow sides. In order to become a wholesome, authentic and fully alive human being.

That is why I believe in empowerment and giving tools instead of answers. I wish to leave people and teams in their full authenticity and power, able and willing to walk their path courageously, armed with tools that help them rely on themselves and unleash their biggest potential in this life. In this work I use both my logic, my creativity and my intuition, hoping to serve each human being and team in the way that celebrates and empowers their uniqueness.

I believe that all the resources and knowledge we need to walk our path is stored inside ourselves. Sometimes we just need some help from outside, to find the key to the treasure box.